And so it must be. It had to happen one day. I wasn't ready. Usually people aren't. I didn't know I would be one of them. The false, fake stories that they put up on TV to entertain people around the world will remain in my memories as a violent experience, i never knew. Never knew. It was a shock to me. It was the door of a black world where there is no light. And I am scared of anyplace, any dream, any color which is without light. I am scared of darkness.

People come and go. Some stay, some leave. Some leave stealthily melting their presence into another world they choose to live in. Others gift unexpected surprises. Anger is not the strongest emotion. There are more....incomparable. Shattered, ready to step into a world unbelievably dark. Very dark. Though I am afraid of darkness, I have to step and live in it. Maybe forever. What will I do there? Shout and call anyone to take me out? Or lose myself into the caged room? i have no idea.

It is yet to begin. I am unready and scared. I am not a coward,yet it is frightening wits out of me, I want to live in bright, happy flowers of happiness. I cannot.

The impending disaster...

Slowly and gradually the time is near, my heart is frozen and my hands lay frantic. With the sweet passing of the time,a shiver of terror runs down my spine....
All ran away, all made faces...no one to eat the bitter cake but me? Anger will rape me, tears will drown me...Its exasperation with my blood will poison my strength....
The stark fear seizes me again....there are not the tears of absolution...following the unknown remorse...
But the tears of isolated me....the disaster will reign this empty soul...
I am not yet made and done.
Do me quick,fill me quick...
eat me away in no time....
beat me in a second...A weak victim to the wiles of falsehood... Stray me into a hiatus so wide....scoff less...and I ll be uprooted...
take me into strictest confidence....do me quick in no time...dont boil me ....eat me raw for I am scared my mumma....
Now it will assail my bare cold...
I am numb and dead...

The time has come...

Chandi chowk in Delhi is famous no doubt. And now, "chandi chowk to China" has made it popular among those who never heard about it. I always had faint memories of my trip to Red Fort during childhood days. When I stress my brain, it produces a 30 second movie half eaten by dust and time, but I try to see the maximum. All I remember is a dark night lit by pale moonlight..my mother holding me tight to herself, my brother sitting next to her on a rickshaw, caught in an unbelievable traffic jam. People on road, and people in vehicles...all kind of vehicles moving haphazardly. It was quite a wonderful place. A place that can fill anyone with pure wonderment.

So I thought of revisiting the place so that I have a stronger brain to hold enough of the place. The moment we came out the metro station, I was fascinated by the beauty of a temple that was fixed onto the ground. It was simple, but firm of its existence. "Shani Mandir". Luckily, it was saturday. We went in. Prayed. We came out. I kept looking at the simplicity. Soon I knew I had an awesome example of beauty which I could keep in my heart as a priceless memory.

I go there whenever I can.

Not everyday, not weekly, not even monthly. But, when I go there, it fills me with the same happiness I felt when I went for the first time.

I kept out. There was no space for me to stand. Furthermore, i had no intention or wish to be a part of them. So I kept looking at their jubilant faces, and watched their bodies swinging along the music and air. Even air wanted some space. How could they all dance on the little dance floor? Was it even a dance floor?

They looked delightful. Lips widened to make the picture of happiness absolutely perfect. They didn't mind anything else. The green uneven earth on which many sprained their ankles while losing themselves with music, had no effect on their composure. Heels over heels, squeezing themselves into the thinnest, invisible tunnels they labored to get into. There they could dance. Even if they couldn't move a hand( because it might hit the other person standing by), they were still happy to "dance". After all, it was our freshers party.

And they wanted to be clicked, so that sometime later in life, they are able to reminisce about the fun in college they had, walk down the memory lane with the quick snaps clicked by some 2 megapixel camera. I don't remember whose camera it was. And the camera wasn't good enough to click them clear with their arms and faces moving, so they thought of an artificial plan. They posed like statues which a brilliant sculptor gave life to. Dancing figures captured in a fraction of second. That is what they did.

Funny.

Very.

My first blog.

I am going to write. This is just an experiment, or maybe more than that. I really dont know how much it means to me. But all i can say is, this is my first blog. I never knew what a blog really is. Its not that I never heard about it. I came across this term almost everyday, and knew at once that it will tempt me someday. But I kept on procrastinating, that "someday" never occurred naturally to me. Listening and knowing the literal meaning of "blog" was like a foreign fruit that I never saw or tasted, but had learnt about it in textbooks...in primary classes. It was like "second-hand knowledge", something i just knew, but unable to come and travel in it.

My laziness kept me out, but eventually some circumstance forced me to enter. So here i am. Now looking at blank pages and the dotted theme that I chose while setting up my blog here. It was a difficult task, many would think that i am being dumb and foolish in saying so. But thats it.

Now i am going to the "Blogger help" and know more.