And so it must be. It had to happen one day. I wasn't ready. Usually people aren't. I didn't know I would be one of them. The false, fake stories that they put up on TV to entertain people around the world will remain in my memories as a violent experience, i never knew. Never knew. It was a shock to me. It was the door of a black world where there is no light. And I am scared of anyplace, any dream, any color which is without light. I am scared of darkness.
People come and go. Some stay, some leave. Some leave stealthily melting their presence into another world they choose to live in. Others gift unexpected surprises. Anger is not the strongest emotion. There are more....incomparable. Shattered, ready to step into a world unbelievably dark. Very dark. Though I am afraid of darkness, I have to step and live in it. Maybe forever. What will I do there? Shout and call anyone to take me out? Or lose myself into the caged room? i have no idea.
It is yet to begin. I am unready and scared. I am not a coward,yet it is frightening wits out of me, I want to live in bright, happy flowers of happiness. I cannot.
The impending disaster...
Slowly and gradually the time is near, my heart is frozen and my hands lay frantic. With the sweet passing of the time,a shiver of terror runs down my spine....
All ran away, all made faces...no one to eat the bitter cake but me? Anger will rape me, tears will drown me...Its exasperation with my blood will poison my strength....
The stark fear seizes me again....there are not the tears of absolution...following the unknown remorse...
But the tears of isolated me....the disaster will reign this empty soul...
I am not yet made and done.
Do me quick,fill me quick...
eat me away in no time....
beat me in a second...A weak victim to the wiles of falsehood... Stray me into a hiatus so wide....scoff less...and I ll be uprooted...
take me into strictest confidence....do me quick in no time...dont boil me ....eat me raw for I am scared my mumma....
Now it will assail my bare cold...
I am numb and dead...
The time has come...
i haven't seen a better piece. you seem to have exhausted all options to cross the cold, or to overcome the darkness.
ReplyDeletebut persistance pays. it has to.
Undoubtedly passionate and visceral!
ReplyDeleteSomewhere in 'Consolations of Philosophy' I read, 'To dispassionate yourself, examine your passion'. So you see, examining closely your passion serves two purposes, one is obviously catharsis, the other consequently, a profound literary work. This is one article coming out with the above said aphorism as it's basis, unfortunately but, not the whole of it.
The chunk with both, ample and systematic meta-cognition and a very subtle progression is the second paragraph 'People come and go......i have no idea'. This paragraph shows that author has the maturity and the skillfulness to stand apart her own emotions and put every segment of it under the magnifying glass of rationality, rather than getting swayed way with the flow. Sentence by sentence, through a gradual accumulation, the idea swells and then implodes into it's essence with 'i have no idea'. The sequence of ideas resembles something like matrix; inner one drawing out of the outer one, till we reach the innermost. The way we draw out the antenna of some old-fashioned radio
For the rest of it, I will say, the flow intermittently gets interrupted because of expressions that are incongruous with their immediate proximity, e.g. the expressions
1.I am not yet made and done.
2.Do me quick, fill me quick...
3.do me quick in no time
These either need to be weeded out or to be modified to look continuous with the preceding sentence and add to the clout of the one following
Taking the holistic view, I feel the article suffers because of the ambivalence within the author, i.e., to project and to keep private, at the same time, her innermost emotions. I guess for the mentioned need of privacy she abstracted the details, but then she should have developed an analogy for every corresponding truth.